Terry needs to take care of her children

I have found my blog and thought I would use it. It has been neglected for so long....perfect time to reinvent my vent page! I have had great progress in my life: almost debt free, everyone is healthy sans some minor issues here and there, school is going great for the kids, my working is going great and a move is coming. (Thank God in heaven, we are moving back to our home in SC)

My son had a run in this summer with some boys. They all started a shoe box on fire. Nothing was damaged minus the shoe box. In CA, fire is a big deal. Heck, any kid playing with fire is a big deal. Anyway, I had left the kids with my dh while I went for a walk at the PT (physical training) course with a friend. I come home to PMO (on base police) writing up a report for my son, as well as five other kids. My son admitted to it and was grounded up until a few weeks ago. (it had been for until we moved but he has been good) He also completed a fire safety course. All the kids involved were issued to attend. (only one other kid did)

One of the kids involved (actually all but one involved ) is a MAJOR discipline issue. It is your typical parent ignores the child, puts little effort into their child's future and the child acts out. He has ADHD issues anyway which make it much worse. Example #1. I come back from a women's weekend with some ladies and walk with my bag down the street to home and this kid is saying EVERY cuss word you can think of at the top of his lungs and destroying one of our baby trees. Example #2. He breaks a cement drain catch a our neighbor's house. Our neighbor walks him home and is out five minutes later. Example #3. He threw rocks at another neighbor's car. Neighbor brings him home. In another instance, they ask Terry if her son is the mulatto boy. She was all bent out of shape like they called him the N word.
Definition Mulatto:
1
: the first-generation offspring of a black person and a white person
2
: a person of mixed white and black ancestry

I have heard this story many times or had until our blowout. You see, we had been friends for about 8 years until the incident I am going to vent about. Our daughters were best friends during elementary school in SC. They did Girl Scouts together, even did a camp out together, slept at their house and my house....then we moved. They moved into our neighborhood almost a year ago. They were actually slotted for the townhouse connected to ours. (Thank God they begged for one with a bigger driveway!)

Her son had been little while we were in SC. He was just really hyper and seemed like he had to moving constantly. He was put on meds right before we moved and they seemed to calm him down so that school went more smoothly for him. Well, he isn't on them anymore. As soon as they moved in, he was causing problems. My dh has asked the kids to stay off the wall in front of our house a few times but he would continue and would talk back when asked to move. At one time, he was smashing our street signs with a baseball bat. He would yell, scream and cuss out there. Finally, my dh told the kid he was not allowed to play with Michael because of his behavior. After his cussing incident from my weekend, he asked why he couldn't play with my son. I told him because he cussed a lot. He let me know that he had stopped doing it.

After the fire incident, my son was grounded, as I said. All the kids were told, including this boy, MULTIPLE TIMES. They have also have been told NOT to play in front of the house because they become too loud and tear up the mulch and plants. This incident was not the first time, obviously. My dh told them to go play at the playground so they went off to play. Not five seconds later, our doorbell rings. Seriously? It is Terry's boy. "Can Michael play?" Yes, I was hot. I had already told him two other times that Michael was grounded until we moved. My response was: "He is grounded because of the fire you all started." He responded,"I didn't start the fire." My response was,"You were there. He cannot play with you or anyone. He is grounded. You need to leave."

I was angry. He had been asked REPEATEDLY not to come to our house, he was not allowed to play with my son even before the incident yet he continued to come back. Unfortunately, I hurt his feelings. I didn't mean to but was frustrated with the situation. I was mad at my son and all these kids because of the magnitude of what they had done and my son seemed to be the ONLY one to get punished properly.

Later that weekend, I sat out in front of my friend's house with another neighbor, something we have done since moving here almost three years ago. It has always been a peaceful, stress relieving thing. Terry came down to talk with us. She didn't do it often so it was a treat. Or so I thought. She went into how I had hurt her son's feelings. How he didn't understand what we meant by him not being able to play with my son or in front of the house. I apologized for hurting his feelings. She also told us about how she was about to beat her son with a spoon or something and didn't know PMO was in her driveway. (they escorted him home after the fire) She then went on to rant about how her kid got beat up at a park that is outside of our neighborhood. How her son is always being picked on and beat up. This has been her line since SC. He was getting beat up at the park at age 3 or 4. Why was a 3 or 4 year old out at the park without an adult? Why was he allowed at a park that is not even in our neighborhood? Why does she not set limits on her son? These are the questions you cannot ask her because she would be offended. It was one of those places you couldn't go for fear that it would fracture your relationship. Well, it went there and it did.

My neighbor, a friend of hers on Facebook let me know that she had posted her status as ' I am upset. my neighbor is such a liar' or something to that affect the next day. ( I deleted her after the fire) I was done, completely. I wrote her a letter. This is what I wrote:


I guess the door swings both ways. You seem to have a problem with me and don't speak to me about it. Yes, I did lie and that was to spare your feelings. I didn't tell you how it really is. You know why everyone cannot stand your child (your words not mine)? He is undisciplined and destructive. He talks back to adults when told to do something. He has been brought home after damaging someones property and out free five minutes later. I didn't come to you because you would come up with some lame excuse and try to talk your way out of it, hands over your ears and eyes. With all your online college, you would think that you would be educated enough to educate your child on how to behave in public. You act as if your sh*t don't stink and your children do no wrong. You cry about how your son had this done to him or that. Why was he even there to be in that situation? If you would truly supervise him, he would not be in half of the problems he is always in. Yes, my son did wrong and guess what? He is taking a fire safety course and does not leave my house unsupervised. How many times does it take for you to open your eyes that your son will continually be a discipline problem until you step up and quit playing the 'victim'. Consider any communication between us done. Good luck to you and your family.

She came storming to my door right as I was feeding my family dinner. She jumped down my throat about how I lied and admitted it. Yeah, I lied about how I felt about his behavior, not about what I said to him. It got very heated and then she text her dh and he flew over and then it became a mess. She wanted to know why I had a problem with her 'edumacation', her words, not mine. It became a racial thing(she is white, he is black), an education thing, my having five kids, their crappy parenting skills.... Then he drags his son out of the car, he is physically shaking because he is so scared. His dad yells at him,"Don't play here! They don't want you here!" I tried to apologize to him and then his dad yells,"Don't listen to her, she hates black people!" WTF? I think out of everything, him dragging his son out of the car and saying that of all things was what has eaten at me the most. I even tried to explain I don't know half of my family because of racism because my grandfather married an Native American woman. My dh is Polish Japanese. We aren't all white either. I have had their dd at my house and my dd has spent the night at their house. For real? I actually had to call PMO to make them leave. As I walked down to my neighbor's to sit, as planned, Terry's husband, flipped off my friend. (also her friend) The childish behavior has continued and probably will until we move.

What it really boils down to is that they are both victims. Victims of their own bigotry. They are teaching their kids that all white people are against them. Yesterday, their son shoved a girl over and choked her. (same people that asked if he was the mulatto boy) The parents called PMO on the boy. The dad came storming over calling her a racist bitch.

My son has been harassed by this kid at school. He threw a rock at him early on in the school year. I had to call the school and even had to go in and speak with the vice-principal. On top of it, this 'woman' would give my son dirty looks. Again, for real? All the education and you still behave like you are in junior high? You are going to behave like that towards a child? We were at the same function for the neighborhood. I was on the sidewalk with my kids. She actually walked into the road to avoid me. LMAO! Venting on her might be childish but at least I can speak to her child respectively. I have said hi back to him. Asked him how he is doing. Simple things to let him know that I do not hate him and that it is not his fault. He is just a kid. Apparently, so are his parents......

Deep down, he is a great kid with no positive direction. Terry asked for info for football because pop Warner is expensive. I gave her the web site for a cheaper team that everyone in our area plays with. Too expensive, again. Then downsize your car! Why would you buy a vehicle you cannot afford? If you live within your means and not be 'car poor', you would be able to put your child in sports. You could afford to give them the braces they deserve and need! I know that my daughter's self esteem has gotten so much better from hers.

Lord, please look after those kids. Let them find direction and someone that will give them positive guidance. Let someone take the time to show them that they matter in this world. I pray that You show them that there is love in the world, no matter what color.
Amen

I leave all my anger in God's hands. Thus, my vent is complete!

Where is my compass?

I really don't know where life is headed right now. I feel pulled in so many directions and don't really know what I want from life. I feel like I am where I am supposed to be in a way but not fully satisfied with what cards I have been dealt. Money is tight and seems to have been since we have been married. No surprise I know, especially with five kids. The honest to God sad part is that we make a lot of money but have put most of it into paying on stupid debts like credit cards and loans. Some are unavoidable like braces. The credit cards were set up because we were broke and now we are perpetually broke. If we didn't have our house in SC still, we would not be broke, especially with me working.
Me working. I like it but wanted it to be an extra, not a nessessity. I planned it to be a quicker way to pay off our debts but it ended up being a means to keep afloat, thanks to our house not having renters. Where was the self control in NOT buying the damn house? If only housing had been as nice as it is here. Of course NOW they are renovating ALL of housing down there. Load of sh*t if you ask me.
Another thing that bothers me is my body. I am in pain 24/7 because of my extra weight. Yes, I am fat. I mean F-A-T. Lord, I have been 'obese' since the birth of my third child. I am to the point where I almost don't care anymore because I am too tired and hurt too damn much to do anything about it. I wasted a good part of the day taking a nap?@! I feel like I am falling into another depression because of all the nonsense of it all. Pain, debt, bills, no sleep, tired, working.......
I am a little green with some of my friends' lives. They live thin and beautiful. They have lived full of life and light and I feel like I am just a rung below.....I am just a step away from it but just can't seem to get my grip on everything and pull up to the next level. I am very fortunate to live the life I do, considering the other ways that life and fate could have dished out to me. Coming from a very broken home, it could have turned into not much of a life at all. Thank God for my husband who showed me the right path.
That was a good vent. I feel much, MUCH better. Sometimes just airing it out relieves some of the pressure that seems to build and build until I feel like I am going to pop. Thanks blogger~