I really don't know where life is headed right now. I feel pulled in so many directions and don't really know what I want from life. I feel like I am where I am supposed to be in a way but not fully satisfied with what cards I have been dealt. Money is tight and seems to have been since we have been married. No surprise I know, especially with five kids. The honest to God sad part is that we make a lot of money but have put most of it into paying on stupid debts like credit cards and loans. Some are unavoidable like braces. The credit cards were set up because we were broke and now we are perpetually broke. If we didn't have our house in SC still, we would not be broke, especially with me working.
Me working. I like it but wanted it to be an extra, not a nessessity. I planned it to be a quicker way to pay off our debts but it ended up being a means to keep afloat, thanks to our house not having renters. Where was the self control in NOT buying the damn house? If only housing had been as nice as it is here. Of course NOW they are renovating ALL of housing down there. Load of sh*t if you ask me.
Another thing that bothers me is my body. I am in pain 24/7 because of my extra weight. Yes, I am fat. I mean F-A-T. Lord, I have been 'obese' since the birth of my third child. I am to the point where I almost don't care anymore because I am too tired and hurt too damn much to do anything about it. I wasted a good part of the day taking a nap?@! I feel like I am falling into another depression because of all the nonsense of it all. Pain, debt, bills, no sleep, tired, working.......
I am a little green with some of my friends' lives. They live thin and beautiful. They have lived full of life and light and I feel like I am just a rung below.....I am just a step away from it but just can't seem to get my grip on everything and pull up to the next level. I am very fortunate to live the life I do, considering the other ways that life and fate could have dished out to me. Coming from a very broken home, it could have turned into not much of a life at all. Thank God for my husband who showed me the right path.
That was a good vent. I feel much, MUCH better. Sometimes just airing it out relieves some of the pressure that seems to build and build until I feel like I am going to pop. Thanks blogger~
